good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
