I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
