captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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