Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
