Yo dont text me then not text me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
