I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can't special order awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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