How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
