if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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