Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
