I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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