I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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