so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
