I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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