I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
