There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize