He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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