Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
