let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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