Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
