After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
