I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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