Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
