Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
