Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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