Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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