No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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