Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
