so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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