dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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