dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
