3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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