I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
