I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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