i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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