Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
