Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
