My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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