in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
