But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
