I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize