your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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