South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
