I wanna bring you to show and tell
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
where are my eyebrows?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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