vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
