i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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