Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
