Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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