She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
