So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
