Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
