she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
