hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
