guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
