i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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