No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
