she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Welp...herpes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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