It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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