How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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