Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
