He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Less talking, more tequila
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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