remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
