I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
