I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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