Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
