i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
